Talking about money is never easy, but unfortunately it has to happen before the planning begins so you don’t run out of the important green stuff. Many people have different ways of coming up with their budgets. Some pay for the whole shebang themselves, while others have the bride’s parents chip in, the groom’s parents chip in, or one set of parents pick up the tab. It is important to first chat with your significant other.
Then figure out the best way to connect with parents and family members that you think would want to contribute. A budget can consist of many parts. Do not be discouraged if people don’t just contribute $$ upfront. Aunt Sally might want to pay for your dance floor and your future mother-in-law may want to pay for the champagne toast. Just remember to be gracious and clear with them about their budget. Whatever your situation is, it is important to know how much money you have to work with.
Let’s Talk Wedding Budget
Of all the wedding discussions, I found this to be the hardest of all! This is the conversation you have soon after you are engaged and includes chatting with all potential contributors to see if they would like to help you with your event. I say event because it isn’t just the actual wedding day, but other expenses such as rehearsal dinner, dress, accessories, and many more details.
I would say that my approach was more of a “Here are the steps I have taken to start planning…would you like to help?” Our families were great. They offered to pick up certain expenses and it was seamless. I completely understand that this is not always the case. Some parents only want to talk with their child about money or do not have a clue about how much things cos! It isn’t rude to ask if people are going to contribute( and how much they want to contribute) because the goal of this is to figure out what you can and cannot afford.
Tip I Learned When Asking for Money
Connect with family members, preferably face to face, to let them know what you are envisioning for your big day. Nicely ask them if they plan on contributing to your day. If you get a ‘no’ then move on. If you get a ‘yes’ then ask them what they prefer to help you with. Let them know you are just trying to have realistic expectations and above all, that you appreciate their help.
Get the Facts on Cash
It is important to know a final number, so you can roll right over it! Just kidding! You know how strict you need to be and if there is any flexibility, but honestly, most of us have seen a Bachelor or Bachelorette get married on ABC, (Grown Sexy anyone?!) and once you realize how much that all costs it might help you tone down your vision just a bit.
I found some great budget tools and spreadsheets on the gazillion wedding planning websites I researched. I would recommend doing two or three different online programs because each of them use different percentages or even different line items, then you can plan accordingly. For example, because my best friend is my officiant, I have the luxury of getting to buy her a very nice gift instead of paying her a handsome fee, which means I save money on that line item. If you spend less on one line item, I would urge you not to add the extra in somewhere else as the miscellaneous things add up quite quickly!
Just in case you’re interested, here are some average wedding costs in New Hampshire.
My next piece of advice is to figure out what is important to YOU and your groom, and steer your budget toward those things. As I have experienced weddings as a guest, a family member, and a bridesmaid, my ‘must haves’ have changed. I always knew that I wanted amazing food (which is half the reason I didn’t go with a traditional venue), great photographs, and awesome entertainment. When my online budget tool told me to spend more on flowers than my band, I just swapped those two items or changed the percentage.
You should also figure out what items are not that important to you. I will stand by my feelings that no one goes to the wedding for the cake. Sure it is gorgeous, but not everyone even eats dessert or likes cake. I know that my cake budget does not need to be very big at all. I am having family members make our favorite desserts that mean something to us. Sure, I will do a very small cake for us to cut, but I can save money there too.
Set Your Wedding Budget, Then Find Your Wedding Vendor
You must plan your budget, if you have one of course, BEFORE you start looking or chatting with vendors. There are so many amazing vendors out there, but what if you fall in love with a photographer who charges so much that half of your guests cannot eat dinner? It is important to keep your expectations in check throughout the vendor booking process. Please do not hear me incorrectly, if you are in love with a vendor and are willing to cut from another area, by all means go ahead. I just don’t want you to be heartbroken if you just cannot afford something.
The other great thing a budget does is help you figure out what IS important to you two. You may not go into this process knowing which areas are most important to you, but as you chat with vendors and see the prices you will pay for certain things, you might realize you don’t need a shiny limo to drop you off and pick you up. Suddenly you will remember that your uncle’s best friend has a gorgeous Corvette you could borrow! Just remember, it is YOUR day. Plan it to be the event YOU want, and by no means does this need to be as expensive as it seems in the beginning.
Some tools I used:
